Lonely. Tired. Fearful. Bored. Repeat. Lying to myself. Hiding from myself. Justifying myself. Repeat.
At the age of 31, I thought… is this it? I didn’t think, I’d come this far to be so miserable. With a successful career in marketing, financially stable, living in sunny Scottsdale, Arizona, able to travel whenever I want, no husband or children to tie me down– I felt lost and emotionally bland.
My family has always been supportive of me and adding to the power was a large circle of close friends. I mean, some people would be enviable, others would be content or happy, but surely most would consider all I had going on to be more than enough. To me, my life felt like I was riding the wave of “blah.”
Hi, I am Kaila Hope Strong.
I’ll always be a privileged, white, college-educated, sixth-generation American who wouldn’t know real struggle if it hit her in the head. I always thought, why am I complaining? I have a good life!
At the age of 31 if you looked deeply into my psyche you’d see how battered, torn and defeated I felt. How underutilized, unloved, and lonely I felt. I’ve read the same help books you read, attended the same hyped-up seminars, I networked, I mingled, I friended people, I partied away, felt in and out of love. I was in pursuit of happiness?! Aren’t we all?
I thought by now I would have become or at least meet My True Potential Self, and we would be “Who run the world?” together as Queen Bee states. So where the H was She, the Kaila I could be??
I needed help, a map, a guide, therapy, a shoulder to cry on, support, meds... something!
I sought out help meticulously for a decade. Online forums, chat groups, support groups, articles and videos, self-help books, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, anti-depressants, vitamins, weight loss drugs, and supplements. Thousands of hours and dollars got me more of unhappiness, loneliness and added for extra bonus frustration, addiction, envy, disconnect and vile bitterness towards all.
I became an entitled cynic. Think about the type for a moment.
So that did not work so I switched to delusion. Try it for size? I would lose myself in a fantasy of what could, would, should. It gave me hope, you know. Little did I know, Hope became Hopium…. I was high on Hope.
As a little girl, I had a very active imagination, and it hasn’t changed as an adult. I fantasized about life in the spotlight, filled with riches and beautiful people. I dreamt of someone discovering me, “What are you doing here? You’re far too special to live a mediocre life! “I dressed that up with the white horse, armor and a little flag on the top. Someone is coming to save me…I would be taken away from it all. I could almost hear the hooves! He is in pursuit of me, and I am in pursuit of Hapiiiinees!
HEAR THE HOOVES?!
I found myself living for somebody and someday in high hopes! See, the thing is that I have an innate desire to be different. Or a deep-seated fear of being mediocre? They seem interchangeable? That desire dictated so many of my actions, thoughts, and decisions. To go against the grain was Kaila’s trait. As a woman, we are told to make great wives and mothers, raise or children, stay at home and be a servant to your husbands. Yeah, you go ahead, obey social mores, knock yourself out! I. Am. Different. I. Stand. Out. I Say “No”. I pave paths and I walk on them!
The funny thing was? I never really paved my own way. I used my bucking of the norm in avoidance of what I thought was mediocre and as an excuse to accept “Less than the best”. Now, that really worked! I slept with the wrong men, partied all night, live a life of decadence & debt, plans are predictable and mediocre, responsibilities weight you down, personal accountability the sure death of the Free Spirit! I mean… Why should I be my best? And by whose standards?? If this is all life has in store, why should I try so damn hard? No one is really looking. No one really cares, do they?
Then a wrong guy did something right. He introduced me to Mel and when I met Mel my world changed. Finally, I met someone who could look me dead in the face and tell me what I needed to hear. Call me on my bullshit. She just plunged into my soul and saw me for who I am. Yes, she did say she can read me like an open book, but who believes in stuff like that?! But boy, can she! She told me things I have never shared with anyone, things I have even hidden from myself, she even saw inside my body and I mean that literally, not figuratively! She saw me for the scared, fearful, and the lost girl I really was - inside the grandiose shell, I had built around me. She reached in and ripped me out.
She did not give me “my life back”. She gave me A LIFE!
Working through Mel’s program I found that inner zeal and zest for life I kept seeking. She gave me purpose and meaning. She made me want to put forth the effort again and remake my life. She gave me the tools and advice to become a well-rounded woman in charge of her own destiny. She gave me boundaries, purpose, integrity, honor, self-respect, accountability, future, goals, she challenged and supported me. She told me the truth, showed me the truth, and made me find and live my own Truth. A little warning, you cannot lie to her! She is clairvoyant, clairaudient, clair.. something, but she is the real deal, so don’t even try but if you do, please do tell! I would love to hear your own story.
She made me let go of all the CRAP- which Mel says is an acronym for "Creative Refusal to Accept Perspective", leads me to no other option but to accept the truth. LIFE is about MEANING. I did not need “happiness”, nor could I find happiness before I find true meaning in my life!
I am no longer in pursuit of life, full of Happiness. I’m pursuing Life of Meaning and in that, I find Ecstatic Happiness! All the money in the world is worth the feeling I feel today. I’m on this journey we call life and I am not going back. I am not looking back! I have grown to a profound state of awareness – an awakening – that I will never forget. I have started the life-long journey to becoming my very best self. With Mel’s tools, I have planned the LIFE I WANT and I! AM! ACHIEVING! IT!
Mel opens doors for you that are beyond your wildest imaginations! She introduces you to a world, that has been here all along but your eyes have been shut. She helps you to see the powers you possess within your own being.
Mel breathed life into me and for that, I will be forever grateful! You can’t put a price on THAT!
You know you want it!
Kaila Hope Strong