In the last decade of this century, an unprecedented shift in social structure occurred. Far smaller and slower changes in early human history triggered civil wars, rebellions, and violent intellectual and spiritual crises. The extreme social transformation of this decade caused hardly any stir. It proceeded with a minimum of friction, upheaval, with a minimum of attention from scholars, politicians, the press, and the public.

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Hello, 

My name is Mel Brooks.   As an image and crisis consultant, I have a peculiar vocation: I am the last resort before the tower collapses. I landed in crisis management because I am emotionally intelligent and I can read people, and at times of confusion, people can not read their labels if they are " inside the bottle." My clients come to me after they have tried everything else and nothing has worked. My weapon is the truth, referred to by many as "the ugly truth." As a surgeon, I have to expose the underlying problems and fix them, hence my ability to bring clarity to a situation comes to play. My special skills got me dubbed "The Fixer," and I am better known for it than for my name.

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In the last two years, the nature of my work became increasingly more complicated because the very nature of relationship dynamics changed. The emergence of concepts of gender equality and fluid identity soft-erased the traditional meaning of love, romance, unconditional love, commitment,

 and marriage. There are no available clear-cut solutions today; everything " is complicated."

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Let's look at a couple of my cases.

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In 2014  Jane met Joe online. They dated for five years, and have been living together for 2 in a home they purchased together in 2018. While they are comfortable to commit to 20 years joined mortgage, they are unsure if they want to commit to a marriage. They decided that it is not a necessity. It's just a piece of paper and that most marriages end up in divorce.

Jane was raised by a single unmarried mother and has not seen her father since she was a toddler. Joe's parents divorced when he was seven and grew up in a home with his mother and her boyfriend until he went to college.  Joe is close to his father, who is remarried and has children with his new wife. 

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Jane and Joe are thinking of having children, and the subject of marriage surfaced. That is what brought them to me.

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Jane likes the idea of her children growing up in a traditional family. At the same time, James is concerned about possible marital problems down the road and negative consequences for the children should that occur. Joe's mom is adamant that they should not have children unless they are married, and Jane's mom is ok with whatever they want to do. Friends told them, married or not married, they would still be a family.

Indecision about the level of commitment to the relationship has put tension on the couple, jeopardized their love,  and they are considering separation.

Jane and Joe's scenario is complicated, but it is representative of the issues of many gender-specific couples today.

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Then there is the story and Amy and Rose, a married couple of 17 years from San Fransisco. Amy was Rose's first love and lover, and they have an age difference of 13 years with Amy being the senior. They are parents of one daughter through artificial insemination, Rose being the biological mother, and have adopted a son. Rose recently suffered extreme stress and found resolve in God, becoming a devoted Christian. Rose wants to leave the relationship and marry a man she has met in the church whom she refers to as her divine mate. They are stuck in a brutal divorce battle over child custody, and that is how I  came to meet them.

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Steven and Simone have been married for eight years and have 3 kids they oldest born before they wed. They met in the gym. Steven works full time, Simone stays at home with the kids. When I met them, Simone was considering a divorce because Steven has taken a male lover. Steven is unapologetic about his choice and assures Simone that he still loves her and the children and does not want to leave his family. Steven just recently realized that he is bisexual and think that his wife should support him as he is honest and upfront about it. He is suggesting that Simone meets his lover, and they can explore the possibility of a threesome relationship. Simone believes that Steven betrayed her and his marital vows and wants to sever all connections, including sole custody of their children, where Steven is allowed only supervised visitations.

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Tom and Tifanny are a married couple, living together for 18 years. They have no children on their own, but they are pets parents of seven pets. Tifanny wants to transition. Tom is concerned about her choice and wants to know the real reason for her transition. He does not agree that Tiffany should use the marital funds to cover the costs of her transgender surgery, and the therapies needed post-surgery. He is not attracted to men and is unsure about his role in the marriage and wants a divorce. Tifanny assures him that she loves him and wants to preserve their marriage. She suggests that they agree on an open relationship. Tim's believes that open relationship completely obliterates the need for commitment. Tiffany's friends support her transition fiercely, and Tim friends tell him to divorce her immediately.

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It is pertinent that we need to redefine the concept of commitment.